You mean, what were my old patterns, specifically? Oh...I think there was just so much isolation in our relationship and so much heavy bullshit that it was hard to see a way out of it, so every time I would think it would/should be over, I would get sucked back in because I believed I would never find anyone else who would put up with me (because unhappiness made me feel like I wasn't capable of loving anyone, really truly, so why not stick with this person who "loved enough for the both of us"). But really...I just wasn't happy, and forgot that I deserve to be.

Oh, and also, old relationship was a perfect outlet for my Christ complex. Alcoholic, meet Christ.

(I have NO IDEA. Apparently if you build it, they will come? Or, if you're not looking and you're finally happy and you start wearing tighter jeans and having better hair, they will come?)