The last time we did this, someone had just ended it with me because he felt stressed out by his inability to get me off. Funnily enough, last night, the chap I'd been seeing for a fair few months broke up with me.
If I'm being honest it hadn't been good for a little while before that: he wanted it to be open, I didn't, he used phrases like "I feel trapped, but not by anything you're doing" and "I just want to push my sexual boundaries and I don't feel like you're as interested in that as I am, which is fine except that I still want to do that." Anyway, it was his first relationship ever. Not his first long-term relationship; his first relationship. So, okay, society valorizes a certain image of what it means to be in a relationship and I think that makes it easy to think you're on board with an idea of what being in a relationship means that you may find out in practice does not really correspond with what you want.
Only what he thought he wanted at first was in fact more or less similar to what I wanted, and I wish we hadn't had to hurt each other/spend time feeling guilty to work out there was a difference in the end. I also wish he hadn't intimated that exclusivity became less important to him because "subconsciously I guess I knew we weren't optimal for each other." WHAT. "I really don't want you to feel like this was anything you did wrong or that it was any deficiency on your part." Nice, I guess, but your little nod to Optimality Theory seems to undercut that a bit, doesn't it?
Oof. I'm a little more upset than I thought I'd be, given that I kind of knew this was coming. I guess I'm still in the "EVERYTHING IS RUBBISH" phase, which is just tiresome. A little variety would be nice, you know?
Anyway, tl;dr clearly the urge to run anonymous comment Fridays is deleterious to my relationships.
no subject
If I'm being honest it hadn't been good for a little while before that: he wanted it to be open, I didn't, he used phrases like "I feel trapped, but not by anything you're doing" and "I just want to push my sexual boundaries and I don't feel like you're as interested in that as I am, which is fine except that I still want to do that." Anyway, it was his first relationship ever. Not his first long-term relationship; his first relationship. So, okay, society valorizes a certain image of what it means to be in a relationship and I think that makes it easy to think you're on board with an idea of what being in a relationship means that you may find out in practice does not really correspond with what you want.
Only what he thought he wanted at first was in fact more or less similar to what I wanted, and I wish we hadn't had to hurt each other/spend time feeling guilty to work out there was a difference in the end. I also wish he hadn't intimated that exclusivity became less important to him because "subconsciously I guess I knew we weren't optimal for each other." WHAT. "I really don't want you to feel like this was anything you did wrong or that it was any deficiency on your part." Nice, I guess, but your little nod to Optimality Theory seems to undercut that a bit, doesn't it?
Oof. I'm a little more upset than I thought I'd be, given that I kind of knew this was coming. I guess I'm still in the "EVERYTHING IS RUBBISH" phase, which is just tiresome. A little variety would be nice, you know?
Anyway, tl;dr clearly the urge to run anonymous comment Fridays is deleterious to my relationships.