yiskah: (robin xmas)
[personal profile] yiskah
[livejournal.com profile] socmot requested ANONYMENTS for today, which as far as I'm concerned is great because I've got a lot of work to do and a job interview to fret about (t minus seven hours, god help me), and with anonyments it is up to YOU to provide the content!

So: you know the rules. This is a public post, anonymous comments are enabled. THIS IS YOUR CONFESSIONAL. Tell me your terrible sex stories, your awesome sex stories, who you're crushing on, who's crushing on you! Write a poem! Tell a story! Do whatever you like! This is a public post so feel free to share it beyond my f'list if you'd like to.

One request: please do not use anonymous comments to post anything unkind about anyone who might read this. But I'm sure we're all decent enough people not to do that.
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Date: 2013-12-12 08:24 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Is this working?

Date: 2013-12-12 08:25 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Looks like it is. Hi, anonymous self.

Date: 2013-12-12 09:23 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Last night I had a dream in which I was having wonderful, untypical sex and it was so good I woke myself up by having an actual orgasm and shouting out loud. This had never happened to me before! I don't usually have sexy dreams at all, or not for a long time.

Date: 2013-12-12 01:53 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
And what exactly was this wonderful untypical sex? Inquiring minds want to know etc. I have *never* had that happen and I am jealous!

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Date: 2013-12-12 10:58 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I might try and have a baby in a year or so.

YIKES.

Date: 2013-12-12 11:01 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I don't plan to have a baby in a year or so, but I did recently think that if I got pregnant by mistake I might not automatically have an abortion.

Date: 2013-12-12 11:07 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I've come to realise recently that I'm never going to have a baby. It's quite a fundmental thing isn't it? I need to think of something else to do instead.

Date: 2013-12-12 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Yes, me too. I wish i could have one but I can't, and I have no idea how to feel about it. I can't bear the thought of talking to anyone else about it because I can't face the pity.

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Date: 2013-12-12 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
A couple of months ago I was in the supermarket car park, couldn't get a parent and child parking space so parked across two parking spaces. That's not my confession. A man parking next to us remarked loudly behind me to his wife that "some of them just don't know how big these estates are" so I had a good yell at him in the car park, outlining my reasons for parking that way, sending him and his wife scurrying into the store. That's not it either. I was still raging when I came out of the shop so while I was unloading the kids I discreetly keyed his car.

Date: 2013-12-12 12:22 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
After looking at your Clovember photos, I was reminded how lovely you look.
I so would, if you know what I mean, and I should have said something when I was in a position to!

Date: 2013-12-12 02:35 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I totally would too. So I hope Jess gets the job in London...

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Date: 2013-12-12 12:24 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I've watched so much kids' TV that I've developed a thing for PC Plum from Balamory.



I know. I know.

Date: 2013-12-12 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
OF ALL THE DAYS FOR THE EGYPTIAN INTERNET TO BE ON A GO-SLOW.

Whatever, I am totally anonymous.

Date: 2013-12-12 12:53 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Totally.

Date: 2013-12-12 12:55 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
You know that thing you posted about suicide? That doesn't happen to me. Instead I always think how much freer I would be if the people around me all suddenly died, specially those closest. I don't actually want anyone to die, but I cannot shake the thought. It comes to me every day.

Date: 2013-12-13 04:00 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I get the opposite - when my mental health is bad, the thought drops into my head several times a day that all the people in my life would be a lot better off, and quite relieved, if I was dead or just no longer around. At those times I *know* it like I know that the sky is up and the ground is down, and have to remind myself that empirical evidence shows that my friends and family would prefer me not to be dead. But I don't feel like I can ask them to tell me that they don't want me to be dead, because obviously that would be mad. Anyway, that's one clear sign that my mental health isn't good and I need to come up with some coping strategies.

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Date: 2013-12-12 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Look, people who work out or do a lot of sport, specifically the sort that builds muscle, right? The result doesn't have to be sexy but it can be. Some people really suit the look, there's the sense of potential that radiates from a strong body, and all that solid mass of warm flesh can be enjoyable just by itself. But in my experience, most people who do this are in a semi-permanent state of recovery, always with something somewhere that's gone tight or could use a massage, and if you know about that, another secret appeal of muscly people is their vulnerability. All that over-worked muscle is sensitive, and the amount of physical pleasure and relief that can be given through massaging or scratching or stroking is enormous. That relief doesn't have to have anything to do with sex either, but it's fun when it does. I particularly enjoy being bitten, when I've got sore muscles. I really enjoy doing it to other people, too.

Anyway today I got a hug from a colleague who works out and I could feel the knots of muscle in his shoulders through his t-shirt and now I want to bite them.

Date: 2013-12-12 03:34 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
There is not enough biting in sex, if you ask me. Or just not enough biting, at all.

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Date: 2013-12-12 02:16 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This week I had the kinkiest, messiest, wettest and most outrageous sex I have ever had in my life.
We did things I had never ever done before and if I hadn't been persuaded, I never would have thought of half of them.
It was amazing, I mean, I squirted! I had heard of it, but it has never ever happened to me and no friend of mine has ever said she has had it happen.
I actually thought that only happened in porn!

Date: 2013-12-12 02:34 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Woop woop go anon!

The first time I squirted I didn't know it happened in reality either. I'm glad I found out, though.

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Date: 2013-12-12 03:32 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Sometimes I think about just getting on the bus after nursery and never coming back. No very often and not very seriously, but the idea of not having years more responsibilities for other people is very tempting.

Relatedly, I am slightly jealous of my friends with shared custody because they get time off.

I like the paper bag icon on this comment page.

Date: 2013-12-12 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I feel like I always say the same things on here, and they're not very secret because, well, open book. But I have had two longstanding crushes reignite recently and I need to GET A LIFE and stop it, already.

Date: 2013-12-12 04:43 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
So, I had a mild case of road rage today.
I had parked in a space on the road, sideways in allocated spacing, and was reversing out.
A cyclist in her 50's came along - high-viz jacket, crash helmet, all the safety gear. Except she was wobbling really badly, with one hand on the bars, and other hand, on her mobile phone. I braked hard and let her past, and she looked at me very with a very guilty look - she *knew* it was dangerous, but she kept on doing it anyway. Then I drove slowly past her, put my passenger down and shouted to her - not in a crazy ranty way, that she should stop if she didn't want to get killed.

She threw me a massively guilty look, and stopped, and finished her call.

I feel bit guilty for yelling at her, but to be honest, I might have saved her from a crash.
It really was some of the most knowingly negligent behaviour by any road user I have seen in a long time.

But what mystifies me is that she was all geared up safety wise! Why didn't she stop in the first place for the call?!

Date: 2013-12-12 05:06 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
People in the Netherlands make phone calls or text while cycling all the time, as well as holding umbrellas, smoking, eating, and combinations thereof. But Dutch bikes and bike lanes are very different things to the UK ones and I don't think I'd have the nerve to do it in the UK.

Date: 2013-12-12 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Probably doing IVF soon. Not expecting it to work, and trying reeeally hard not to get my hopes up.

Date: 2013-12-12 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I think a lot of Jess's friends are pervs!
But not to worry, I am one too.

I have a very, very strong sexual fantasy of having to give oral sex to a row of 5 or 6 women who then judge me and discuss how I did right in front of me.
If I have not been good enough for even one of them, I am required to give oral sex to all of them again.

I wonder how the hell I could make this happen?

Date: 2013-12-12 07:20 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I have wondered in the past if complex/specific fetishes like this could be arranged to happen at a fetish party, through something like fetlife.

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Date: 2013-12-12 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
When I think about being in this job for another year or more, I want to cry. It's a decent job for the industry but management is so full of crap and it's infuriating to me.

Date: 2013-12-12 08:01 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Dunno if it's that infamous mid-30s female sexual peak, or the fact that I'm off the pill for the first time since becoming sexually active, but OMG. My already high libido became ridiculous over the past summer. I was like a teenage boy --orgasming after a bit of foreplay.

It's not as good as it sounds: our lives are too busy for daily sex, and who knew that multiple orgasms could give one painful muscle cramps?

Date: 2013-12-13 10:17 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Oh! Muscle cramps can come from multiple orgasms? I've been putting it down to too much alcohol but this makes more sense.

Date: 2013-12-12 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm a lesbo but I really like middle-aged men. I don't know if it's an ego thing (I'm still young enough that middle-aged men are extremely attentive and very much enjoy my returned attention, so it turns into this nice mutual ego-massaging) or if it's a fantasy thing, like, Hey all you middle-aged men, let's fuck! But I've never actually fucked any of them, or wanted to, really. But at the same time, I'm attracted to them in a way that is just a leeeeetle more than platonic.

What does it mean, anonymenters?

Date: 2013-12-12 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I think that for most people, if they are really honest and insightful with themselves, their sexuality is fluid. To what degree of fluidity, well that depends on the person. From what you write, you're a little bit fluid in your orientation - I'd suggest that perhaps you're just a little bit bi - not enough to actually fuck any of them, but just enough to fancy them and to enjoy the thought of fucking them?

In case you worry about this, well you shouldn't ever worry about this, by the way - life is way too short :)

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Date: 2013-12-13 01:23 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm a (mostly) straight married woman, but my 2013 obsession is dudes kissing, apparently. It hasn't gone beyond that yet, but I just love to watch guys kiss each other. Today this showed up in my Facebook feed and I've hardly been able to stop thinking about it all day: http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/straight-male-celebs-kiss-fight-gay-hate-russia111213. That feature shot is the hottest thing is the hottest thing I've seen in ages. I'd ask the anonopoulos what this means, but I don't even give a shit...it's just FUCKING HOT.

Date: 2013-12-13 10:47 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
As a male who mostly likes women, I have to say, actually kissing dudes is also FUCKING HOT, as is that picture!
It's totally different to kissing a woman - it's slightly rough, slight aggressive, with a sexy urgency all its own.

As for what it means, I think getting off on watching the opposite sex engage in same sex activity is not unusual.
Enjoy that you enjoy it!

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Date: 2013-12-13 08:53 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I normally try not to whine, so it is nice to have an anonymous space to do so. Thank you! I am probably going to be instantaneously recognizable, but let's pretend.

My part-time job is stultifying and awful. The only delight I have is the occasional moments when I teach my coworkers something-- like that drunk women can't be considered partially responsible for their rape, or that thinness is idealized by our society! Which only makes me a little sad, afterward, and which I can't really brag about among my friends. "Today I convinced someone that making fun of 'black' names was culturally insensitive! Hooray!" It's about the only place where I get positive feedback, though. My coworker told me she wished I had been her teacher in high school, when she was a total fuck-up, which was nice to hear. Everything about the actual job is a drag, though, like I'm actually being dragged around.

Meanwhile my dissertation is awful, my committee says only negative things, and I don't know how the fuck I'm going to finish. My friends have all left academia and gone into real adult jobs, and are earning real adult money, and having real adult problems, and I'm still fiddling with my computer in coffee shops. There are people who came into the program before me who have already defended, and I'm just-- writing crap, apparently. I haven't won any grants. People who came in a year before me are on the job market. I'm that sad old bag in our department, or on my way to it, and I have no idea how to get out. I don't think I'll ever get out. I'm not smart enough, or a hard enough worker, or talented enough at writing. Falling just a tiny bit short on all things.

I make too little money for therapy; my therapist, who has in the past been lovely, seems to contact me only when she's falling a little short that month. I'm still paying off dental work I got done in August. And I just had a dream where I was talking to an old LJ friend. It's someone I was half in love with who no longer talks to me. I woke up all whiny, apparently.

So there. Ventilated! I am going to take a hot shower, where I will repeat affirmations to myself, and then I will try to get a few more hours of sleep. Thanks again.

Date: 2013-12-13 09:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] biascut.livejournal.com
Big hugs, anon! I hope you feel better for the whine and the shower. And I hope the thesis hell starts to make more sense soon.

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Date: 2013-12-13 09:24 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I had a Boris Johnson sex dream last night and it was _really_ good - I forgotten my fetish for posh, slightly portly men who do not give a shit. But ARGH, BoJo; I could barely look at myself in the mirror this morning.

Date: 2013-12-13 10:41 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Out of all the sexual comments and stories on this Anonyments, this is easily the perviest. Well done ;-)

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Date: 2013-12-13 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I realised last night that probably one reason I have a strong, committed (albeit part-time) relationship based around BDSM-without-sex, but don't seem to have much luck with sexual relationships, is that my working life means that I am too tired, stressed and anxious to have much of a libido but BOY do I get to the end of a lot of weeks wanting to beat someone up.

Date: 2013-12-13 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm fucking one of the top men in my field in the world. It's the best sex of my life, but that's still trumped by the over-dinner conversation which acts as foreplay. I feel properly middle-aged.

Date: 2013-12-13 10:34 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
That sounds incredibly satisfying. Go you!
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